mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
i would punch a child for taco bell
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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