I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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