What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Randomize
