Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
