I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Randomize
