Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
