tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
