I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Randomize
