seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Randomize
