All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
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