Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
That accounts for only three of the penises
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
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