Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
I wish life had little blips of pornography
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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