imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
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