you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
Randomize
