She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
