That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
Randomize
