I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
