STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
Randomize
