So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
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