Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
