A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Randomize
