sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
