Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
