I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
Randomize
