She's JV to your varsity
I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
