her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
