If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
