Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
