barbara walters just said penis...
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
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