I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
Randomize
