i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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