So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
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