Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
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