yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
Randomize
