I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
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