And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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