38 yer olds are good kisserssss
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
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