I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
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