she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
fuck your aforementioned shoe
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
we're making bets on your personal life
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
Randomize
