I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
