he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
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