Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
Randomize
