Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
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