it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Randomize
