I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
