Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Just puked most of my soul out..
Randomize
