turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
Randomize
