I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Randomize
