I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
