I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
i think i just lost a toe
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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