god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
Randomize
