i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
Randomize
