This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Randomize
